Ex-tra benefits

12-925x520              If “friends with benefits” and ‘no strings attached” are the “it” sexual relationships of this day and age, I’d argue that the tried and true trendsetter of it all was flings with exes. People have been breaking up, making up, and just plain hooking up with the same lovers time after time. We swiftly kick them out of our lives only to pull them back into our beds for that weekend back in our hometown or the “oh I just happen to be at a bar in your neighborhood” evening. While all of our friends reprimand us and the hallow assertions of “this will be the last time…no really” we find it harder and harder to pull ourselves away. Why? I’d say the answer is simple, comfort.

The ease of knowing someone’s body, having a pre-established nighttime ritual, and everything else that contributed to the initial relationship still remains after the emotional entanglement has ended. There is a certain confidence in knowing that you are not going to be judged while sleeping and that your naked form will not come as a shock but only as a conditioned tender pattern. It can be rather nice to get exactly what you want without surprises but it can come at a cost.

After emotionally distancing yourself from an ex, being thrown back right into the fiery passion does not solicit an easing of tensions. In fact, it is arguable, that the fiery rekindling of a relationship will give you more anxiety and head scratching. I write this as a continued offender that has come to yet another ex-ing sign on the road. I tell myself that it is just convenience, it’s okay because I know better than to get attached, but really do I? In reality I may just be kidding myself. I do not argue that the ex hookups are completely emotionless, in fact, they are extremely wrought with feelings you had for one another and that is probably why they can be so tender and feel so good. However, entering this torrid storm of sex and passion can leave you feeling emptier then you were before.

I’d say tread with extreme caution, be acutely aware of the reasons why you and your lover broke up and never forget them throughout the whole process. If there is post-coital evidence that suggests that your partner developed into a more suitable mate then make further considerations. If it is the same old, same old, take the joyous romp for what it was and keep on keeping on. Soon enough you will find someone who adores and cherishes you in a new way and temptation to rekindle that old flame will sputter out.31-925x520

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