I was going to begin with naming this post the asshole factor but then thought better of it. Why? Name-calling is no good even when people are misbehaved and emotions can cause some pretty strong reactions. When someone decides to end a romantic entanglement and that someone is not you, the feeling is a total loss of control. You can be as prepared for a difficult conversation and still be caught off guard. This is due to the fact that your guard is naturally down when dealing with emotion, anxiety and stress.
I learned a lot from this damming conversation and that was chiefly, communication is key. If people who are comfortable with their emotions are called “open books” then I am a tightly bound locket enclosed hardback novel. Confrontation, expressing feeling, and all other sentiments has never been my strong suit. I have learned that this will make relationships fall like dominos one after another until the space between you and the person you care for has grown so great and uncomfortable, countless elephants in the room could not fill it.
Say what you mean. Say it accurately, say it wisely and say it exactly when you feel it. Do not let discomfort grow and do not be uncomfortable to share. It’s a pretty intense new method that will take some time to adjust to but in the future I hope to accomplish it.
It is not brave to end a relationship because you don’t want to have a difficult conversation and consider changing your ways or share personal issues. I experienced this and did see it as cowardly of my partner. However, keeping my own feelings inside showed weakness as well. When two people engage in a paring their minds do not automatically meld, mesh together seamlessly becoming a beating entity of understanding. Instead, the two minds connect, mesh a little, mash a lot and ultimately are still as separate as when they started. You have to say (or write) what you want before the thoughts escape you. The context must remain fresh on the mind instead of waiting. Pausing to reflect is good but stalling and ignoring is detrimental.
Saying what you mean is forceful, not imploring. Saying what you mean is clarity. Saying what you mean is considerate because saying “I am fine” is usually utter bullshit. Having myself been the f-i-n-e queen, I know it to be true. Spewing disingenuous nonsense is not going to be doing any favors in any situations. To say what you mean is to be honest and to grow, so just say it.
YOU Are HERE 