Crazy

Crazy for you, crazy in love, crazy, stupid, love, does that make me crazy? Chime, chime, chime, crazy, crazy, crazy. Why is love always associated with this word? Are feelings meant to be crazy, out of control and off the wall? Or are they meant to be calm, cool, and collected? The latter is associated with calculating and hardness—two words that don’t often mesh well with relationships but maybe those words are not such a bad thing. Maybe we need a little more balance, a little more thought and a little less wild and out of control. But perhaps loosing control is falling in love, tripping over your own feet just to meet someone else. Are we not soundly involved if we are not driving ourselves mad? Lots of questions, and I know, very few answers. The answer could lie in this swirl of chaos, maybe the chaos leads to clarity and we can’t delve into our deepest selves without going a little mad. Relationships shouldn’t push us to the edge but they somehow do. We stew in our thoughts, act irrationally, say and do insane things that we would never ordinarily do. This could prove that love is extra-ordinary, when we can’t contain ourselves to think and act straight.

Is it wrong to want to stay comfortable? Comfortable in our constructed limits, this seems healthy. However, we don’t want to come off as cold, emotionless—an empty vessel. I wonder when did thoughtfulness become a bad thing? When was it decided that outrageous and over-the-top where acceptable and even desirable? I don’t want to lose my breath around someone, sounds like a recipe for hyperventilation. I don’t want to be emotional and relinquish control. This is not saying I don’t want to try new things. I push myself all the time and even embrace change but not when change is so mentally straining that we forget ourselves. Forget all the reasoning and purpose we created for our life. Crazy, fickle feelings are not my friends—they are not my enemies either, but not the first feelings I want attached to romance.

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I am going to start aiming for a little less crazy and a little saner. I want less confusion and hurling fistfuls of emotions at someone else. This doesn’t seem like a task too great but when relationships have pushed you so far from normalcy it is had to know what to go back to. It might be good to return to a more controlled side, more knowledgeable and less outrageous, less over-analyzing, and fewer unrealistic expectations. Let’s all be calm for a moment, still and restorative. This may take us to better relationships with longevity and phase out those disjointed moments of passion.

 

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